This is me

A prolile


Me and my cute husband


I ate this. It was mighty tasty.

Balance

One of the most difficult problems I face everyday is finding balance. Most days, as of late, have been veritable failures as far is this is concerned. With my rocking new bed (and kick ass sheets!) getting up in the morning is basically impossible. Often because I'm up from 5-7:30 panicing about how unbalanced my life is. Of course just when the first alarm goes off (there are about 5-8 snoozes each morning)I am finally in the midst of blissful sleepy time--on some beach in the bahamas getting a massage or something. The thought of getting up and facing my day is painful. Then when I do get up I really only have time to do some basic stuff...So when am I supposed to fit in the real work I need to do plus the mind/body stuff. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted and stressed out! Is the only solution to force myself out the most treasured part of my day?? Wake up at 5 am when I'm stressing and do some yoga? At this point, I've been down this road so many times...altered my lifestyle for like a week maybe more and then usually I find myself back in my current state. Some words flying around my head right now...work ethic (no work ethic), failure, and a desire for peace. In my early morning insomnia I had the thought that I should leave New York. I'm kind of yearning right now for a warmer more simplistic life. Does that even exist? Probably not. Do you think they need a cellist in the Bahama string quartet, a group that incorporates massage along with breakfast, lunch and dinner?

So, I know how this looks

And the truth is, it is just how it looks. One day I'm all hard core with the intensive detailed practice schedule and then I drop off the face of the earth. Once my life started to get a little hectic with my teaching schedule, rehearsing, and then taking care of Dan, I completely stopped practicing. Scary, because now it's just two weeks closer to my recital. I like to refer to this program as the one I was smoking crack when I chose it. Two cello suites--that means memorized--one Bach, one Britten. I am now...let see, 6 weeks away!!! Sounds like a lot, but it's not!!! Especially when the music is not yet learned!!! OK...waiting for the panic to set in...

with frustrating regularity...

I managed to accomplish the first part of my practice schedule yesterday, but not surprisingly, I did not come back after my extended break. True, I had lots to do and I did get 2 hours in... But now I'm just disappointed in myself for once again, not reaching my goal. Today, I slept until 10:30. At 8:30 I had a little conversation with myself which reminded me of a performance I saw a couple of days ago by this woman who is called Dynasty Handbag. It's just this one woman who's character is a total fucking mess. Ratty hair in busted curlers, a ripped bathrobe and lipstick all over her face. Anyway, she her show begins with her in bed, trying to get up and start the day. She starts by telling herself, "get up, get up, get up get up...." Then eventually....."get the FUCK up!!! I'm going to fucking kill you if you don't get up...." It's really hard to recreate the whole thing here, but let me just tell you, it's fucking hilarious. AND, not only can I relate to Miss Handbag, but like her, I often loose that battle and go back to sleep. ummm...so now it's like 11. Sweet!

work starts in 15 minutes

Isn't ridiculous how you feel like you have to go through all of these morning rituals before work can actually begin. For me, it can be a 4 hour process. Making breakfast, coffee, eating, cleaning up, shower or no shower?? gym or no gym??, stretching, computer, bills, snack....it could really go on like this easily for an entire day. Believe me. But, today, I will be getting to work after two waking hours pass. Not too bad.

My practice plan: 1/2/2007
12-1 warm-up, scales and arpegg, octaves and double stop excercises (I have these great and somewhat evil books by Cassia Harvey called Double Stop Musings that I recommend if you're in to torturing yourself...but you feel buff after)

1:15-2:15 Britten
45 minutes of mvt VIII (presto) slowly and gradually with metronome
15 minutes review of recently "learned" mvts

Break

3:30-4:30 Britten
30 minutes of presto...continue where I left off
30 minutes of mvt VI (Andante espressivo)

I know this is pretty ambitious...but there is really no reason that this can't be done. I'll keep updating on my progress.